Light in the Shadows

The cool midnight air blew onto my slender cheeks as I passed his house. I stood at the rusted front gates that went up to about my hip as I squinted to stare into his lounge room window. The lights were off but I could see the flicker of the TV through the curtain's. I heard nothing but the sound of cars flying by on the busy highway only a hundred meters away from his street. The street light flickered a few times before it switched off and I stood in the coolness of the nights, alone. There was nowhere for me to run. Nowhere for me to hide from what I had done. For what I was about to do. At least, what I was trying to do. I started to take a step forward before beginning to panic and freeze where I was. My heart dropped and I couldn't think of anything else to do. My knees dropped to the ground and I sat there crying. I dropped the pocket knife, that I had held so tight that it left a cut in my hand, onto the pavement and listened to it. There was nowhere for me to go. Not after what I had done. Not after all the things I had heard. Was there a way for me to get out of it all? To just leave my so called family and act as if I never existed? How could I live like such a criminal when really... I'm not. Jacob is.
My blonde hair fell over my face and I ran my bloody hand through it, adding red streaks to my once silky straight hair. I pulled my hand away and looked at the cut. Then, I pushed my sleeve from my shirt up and looked at the other scars on my wrists. What was I becoming? I needed to stop. I needed to breathe. I need to just... To just... To just what? That was the thing. I couldn't think. My head was spinning and I there was noway for it to stop.
I stood up quickly, too quickly in fact which made my head hurt more. I took one last look at the flicker of lights in Jacob's lounge room and then ran as fast as I could, not caring that my shoes were about to fall off. Not caring where I was going. Just as far away from here as I possibly could get. As far away from this misery, that I could possibly get.

Happiness

All I could think about was his scruffy brown hair, his grey eyes and his cheeky smile. Each day I thought about asking him to be my boy friend, but I always thought about the other answers. The answers no girl should ever have to hear. 'No.' 'Gross.' Why?' The simple no was all I needed to feel stupid, guilty and never want to see the world again. There was no way in knowing how he felt about me, but I knew it wasn't the same. Well, at least I thought.
"Miss Gale. Miss Gale. AUBREE!" Mr Taveston yelled at me. I flicked my head up at the short sighted, skinny yet well dressed man standing over me. His brown moustache irritated me whenever he scratched it. He shot my dark brown eyes around the room at all the students looking at me. Except for Jacob, who was drawing something in is book. I cleared my throat before asking, "Yes, did you ask a question?"
"Yes I did. Now for the tenth time, what is the answer to-" he shouted before the bell cut him off and I quickly jumped up and whizzed over to the door before anyone could say anything. I just wanted to get out of there. I wanted to be away from all the distractions. And by all, I mean Jacob.
I power walked over to my light blue locker and twisted the lock, '7, 3, 5.' I threw my text books and my pencil case in and then slammed it shut. I jumped at the sound of a voice pop up next to me shouting, "I know the code!" in my ear. I groaned at Brittany and pushed her shoulder and walked over to the cafeteria. I could barely hear her light footsteps on the floor as she followed after me, yelling at me to slow down. I stopped quickly and stared at the ceiling, clenching my teeth and scrunching up my nose. "What are you in such a hurry for?" she asked me from behind. I crossed my arms and spun around to face her, "I just want to get out of here. I want to be anywhere else but here." I said, almost wanting to scream it.
"Well, you can come with me to Florida in three weeks. Like I asked ten times." she told me.
"I want to get out of here, NOW." I emphasised. Brittany lifted her chin up a little higher and straightened her back as she fixed up her white blouse. I turned back around and walked into the cafeteria bumping into Dylan. He dropped his burger onto the ground and then rolled his eyes as if saying, 'Thanks, just what I wanted.' I crossed my eyebrows in pity and said I was sorry. I saw his faint smile crawl out of his pale skin as he went to scratch his dusty brown hair.
I picked up a tray and grabbed a burger, an apple and a juice box. Then walked over to a table waiting for Brittany to hurry up with her choices. My eyes scanned the room, looking for the only person I had on my mind for the past year. Every time I had ever got the chance to ask him, I always blew it and asked him something about science homework or math homework or what the scores were for the football on the weekend. I took a bite of my apple and stared at the red table as Brittany sat down opposite me waving her hand in front of my face. I looked up at her as a mumble of words came out of her mouth. "What?" I said. "Do you think, I should ask out Dylan!?" she shouted at me. A few people a the tables nearby turned to look at us, but we didn't pay attention and acted like they weren't there. I shrugged at her question, "He's in year 12. Your in 10."
"So... Age is just a number Aubree." she smiled, pulling the cheese off her burger and placing it carefully on her plastic plate. I stopped watching Brittany's hands as my eyes flicked over to Jacob. His hands in his pockets of his black denim jeans. Dylan ran over to him and handed him a book of some sort and punched his shoulder laughing. If only I could find out what about. If only I could be in that tiny little brain of his. Not Dylan's brain, he's more of a wise wizard than Jacob would ever be. Though, that's what I fell for. The dumb, funny, nice one.
I watched Dylan bounce around the cafeteria, excited about something. Not sure what... But something. He then stopped jumping for a second and rushed over to grab another burger before sliding away over to Brittany and I. Why was he coming over here? He took a bite of his burger and with his mouth full, spoke, "Hello ladies."
"Your mother ever taught you manners?" I hissed at him as sauce dripped down his lip. He frowned at me and took another bite, not even bothering to answer. He waved his hands at me in a gesture to calm down. He then went back to his burger and I looked at Brittany as she stared at his dark brown eyes. I would have to mention he is a bit of a looker but all I could say was he ate to much. So much that I wouldn't even want to bother trying to count how much money I would have to earn a week to buy him all the food. He must have a good metabolism though, I mean, he isn't like over weight or anything like what you think he would be.
Jacob walked over to Dylan and punched his shoulder. I don't know why the two are best friends. Dylan's two grades above us all, not because he was put up two grades, but because he is 18 not 16 like the rest of us. I just guess he couldn't find anyone his own age.
Brittany scooted over a little as Jacob squished in between the two of them, shoving his bag underneath the table. "So you going to play footy on the weekend or what? Matt's still waiting for your answer." he said, clearly not paying attention to Brittany or I.
"Nah, mum said I had to finish my assignment with, Dakota." he said, emphasising on the Dakota. I watched as Brittany's face grew a brighter pink and I knew she became jealous of this Dakota girl. Brittany shot up from her seat and stared at me, "So are we going to the movies Aubree?" she said. I looked at her confused. We never made plans for the movies at all. Words fell out of my mouth as I tried to speak but then Dylan cut me off asking for the movie we were watching. Brittany simply came out with, "The horror one. I forgot its name."
"Aw, I want to see that!" Dylan shrieked at us, punching Jacob's shoulder. I clearly had no idea what was going on. Jacob looked at me, wanting to know what was happening, and a plainly shrugged at him. Great, I could have started some type of conversation, yet I leave him with a shrug.
The sound of the bell rings in my ears as I stand up and jump out from the seat. I hear Dylan talking to Brittany about movie times and then I see the exchange of phone numbers as I turn around to call her over to follow me to class. The pity of it drains my brain, as we power over to the classroom. I open the door and we walk inside and sit down at a table in the science room where the teacher has laid out some bottles and chemicals. I'm just hoping that Brittany doesn't burn my hair again like last week. Worst day of my life.